Have you ever looked in your closet and wondered what you were thinking…

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Have you ever looked in your closet and wondered what you were thinking when you bought the orange Guantanamo Bay jumpsuit hanging there? Or what on God’s Earth made you buy the yellow spandex glitter shorts tucked behind your favorite padded jacket?

If not, the chances are you’re a man. Most of the women I know make bad clothing choices regularly. Allison went home clutching a bag with “Sale” written on the front. As soon as I saw it I knew it might contain unsuitable clothing. Many a blunder takes place during a frenzied bargain shopping session.

“What’s in the bag?”

I asked.

“Well, It is unusual. I mean, I loved it when I bought it, but I’m not sure now.”

Already, Allison recognized she might have made a fashion gaffe.

“Let’s see. Maybe it’s not too bad.”

I offered encouragement. She reached inside and pulled out a sequined dinner coat — the kind worn by comedians in the seventies on TV — complete with plastic toggles.

“Toggles?”

Normally, the glare of the bright blue sequins might mesmerize me, but the toggles perplexed me more.

“Why toggles?”

Allison mumbled something about them being a unique selling point. No one could argue her jacket’s USP was exceptional. But exceptional isn’t always good.

Another friend, Sandy, loves charity shop bargains.

“If they turn out to be no good, I simply take them back,”

She mentions. The contents of her closet come and go like trains in a station. She’s single-handedly funding rare Zebra colonies in the third world.

Some clothing disasters in your closet might not be your fault. If your great aunt Ethel takes the time to knit you a multi-color all-in-one for your birthday, you can hardly give it away. Likewise, if your sister gifts you a genuine lama herder’s coat from her trip to Peru, you can’t mention it doesn’t fit.

Of all my clothing blunders, the worst may be my day-glow pink and acid yellow frilly sundress. And no, I’ve never worn it outdoors. Then again, maybe it’s my hairy rainbow bolero — there was a point when I convinced myself it was cool.

Some clothing mistakes are due to bad taste. You might comprehend your poncho fetish has gotten out of hand or your love of silver platform shoes is ridiculous, but it’s hard to change. Nevertheless, you can.

How to stop buying ridiculous clothes

Checklist:

Are they your size?

Will you ever wear them?

Can you seriously see yourself donning them in public?

Are they a fashion fad?

Do you already own twenty just like them?

Ask these questions before parting with cash. If the sickly green shift dress you’re about to buy reminds you of Kermit, or the banana yellow furry tabard you grab from the sale rail is already molting, put it back where you found it and walk away.

Copyright © 2018 Bridget Webber. All rights reserved

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