1. Needs water to survive
  2. Doesn’t do well in direct sun for long periods of time
  3. Thrives on attention and care
  4. Maintains a decidedly intentional lopsided power dynamic by ceasing to respond to your texts mid-conversation
  5. Is nice to look at, but otherwise provides little function
  6. Gets most nutrients from blue dust in a box
  7. Doesn’t thank you for anything you do for them
  8. Occasionally requires a bit of pruning
  9. Has a 50% chance of dying if left outside
  10. Reproduces by budding
  11. Might have a bit of an alcohol problem, but you’ll never bring it up
  12. Sometimes touches your butt when you walk past
  13. Instills no trust that they would be willing to go to Ikea with you if the opportunity arose
  14. Lives in a small vessel surrounded by dirt
  15. Green

Houseplant: 6, 10, 14, 15

Guy you’re casually seeing: 4, 11, 13

Both: 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 12