- Needs water to survive
- Doesn’t do well in direct sun for long periods of time
- Thrives on attention and care
- Maintains a decidedly intentional lopsided power dynamic by ceasing to respond to your texts mid-conversation
- Is nice to look at, but otherwise provides little function
- Gets most nutrients from blue dust in a box
- Doesn’t thank you for anything you do for them
- Occasionally requires a bit of pruning
- Has a 50% chance of dying if left outside
- Reproduces by budding
- Might have a bit of an alcohol problem, but you’ll never bring it up
- Sometimes touches your butt when you walk past
- Instills no trust that they would be willing to go to Ikea with you if the opportunity arose
- Lives in a small vessel surrounded by dirt
- Green
Houseplant: 6, 10, 14, 15
Guy you’re casually seeing: 4, 11, 13
Both: 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 12
