I read a fantastic fiction novel recently. Here’s the scene: the main character, a woman in her twenties has just broken up with the love of her life over a business decision. She feels like shit. She feels like hell. Her solution? She needs to feel wanted. She needs to feel desired. She needs to feel like she has value. So she finds her sexiest dress and decides to sleep with a business partner who she knows has the hots for her.

It breaks my heart.

She feels as if she only exists in the plane of reality, as a woman, if her worth at that moment can be quantified by how sexy she feels.

It breaks my heart because I understand.

To be honest, being a girl, being a woman is tough. Being bombarded with images of how you’re supposed to look, act, feel, love, behave: it’s a rule book that we’ve been implicitly smacked with as soon as we’ve learned to walk.

It’s a shame.

I don’t have Instagram, but I see how easy it is to feel like a big old pile of shit when you scroll through your feed and see how gorgeous every woman on that site looks, how put together her life looks, how much fun she is having in Ibiza. While you’re at home squinting at your screen in your slightly smelly pajamas with your hair raked back into the most haphazard bun and you’re thinking to yourself ‘well shit…maybe I’m doing something wrong.’

I don’t think we’re doing anything wrong, to be honest.

I think it’s awful that young girls are being reinforced that their worth as a being can be distilled down to how desirable they are and how docile they can be. It’s the brain drain we never talk about.

What if we gave these young girls accolades for being bright? For being funny for being crazy for being witty? For being imperfect? Why does a girl feel like she needs to be perfect in every avenue of life to feel like she means something? Wild idea, but why can’t we just like, exist without proving anything to anybody?

I don’t know man. In the meanwhile, I’m going to plan my outfit for tomorrow and see if that makes me feel better about my day today.