Jesus Is Not A Capricorn!

Oh, OMG! I just found out that Jesus wasn’t born on 25th December. This is worse than knowing that santa is an old, fat white bearded man.

I was innocently doing my research — I am writing a book — 18k words, all lined up too!

So, there I am excavating the surfaces of my topics, and find this shocking story that Jesus is not a Capricorn! No way! They not only admit that they don’t know at all when he was born, but the likelihood is — it ain’t in December.

All these years I had this image of an earthy, kind of goat- climbing Jesus. But the evidence is growing against this information. Jesus is not a Capricorn.

No way do sheep hang outdoors in December. They go undercover, they are not grazing on a cold winters day.

Then, the real bit of convincing data is that Mary would have been between 12 and 14 years old. Well, that’s how it went in those days. After your first period, bam — time to get pregnant. Now she didn’t do what most teenage girls do. She had her father help her out.

Not that father! No the one in heaven. The other white bearded man.The number one father. He made her conceive — no – she became conceived — no, how would you say it?

She got pregnant from the number one white bearded man. No, that’s not right either. But you see where I am going with this one. It’s weird!

The whole thing sounds very strange. There’s this young girl, Mary hanging out with an older man, Joseph and he is not the father of her child. But they are traveling together and sharing accommodation. And, he is there for the birth. Very modern man our Joseph. Then, after the child is born he disappears from the story. Shame he seemed a nice guy.

Well, I won’t even start on the three wise men. I mean who would be out riding in the cold winter? Not rich men.

Jesus is not a Capricorn, he’s probably a Virgo or Libra. Earth sign and Air sign. It fits, it does, I mean Jesus was an earthy man, he could make a meal out of fish, bread and wine. And Air, well he was full of it. And nowadays he has this power to be everywhere. That means he flies — in the air.

I guess we shall never know. But in the meantime, how are we going to inform the public? How can we share such a devastating item of knowledge? And now I think of it — what will all the religious men do? Just imagine the books and laws they will have to change.

Call it Christmas, xmas, yuletide or an ancient pagan celebration, the fact of the matter is — it’s not his real birthday, it’s just fiction — made up.